Nothing ventured, nothing gained

This would be the second New Year’s greeting that I’m seven days late for.

This Lunar New Year is special since it’s the Year of the Golden Pig, which occurs every 600 years. According to the placemat at the Chinese restaurant we had new years lunch at, the pig represents traits such as fortitude, loyalty, and honesty.

Singaporeans, and perhaps all Asians, have an important concept called saving face. Ingrained since my childhood, saving face is a way to resolve a situation in a way that minimizes or avoids embarrassment. When in doubt, the guiding principle on saving face is to never disrespect anyone or hurt someone’s dignity. Honesty, I think, conflicts with saving face.

Some recent and not so recent conversations on honesty:

From The Pie (Seinfeld season 5, episode 15):

Audrey: Ah! Poppie.

Poppie: Sweetheart, hello.

Audrey: Poppie, this is Jerry.

Poppie: Welcome (shakes Jerry’s hand)

Jerry: Hello Poppie.

Poppie: Don’t fill up on the bread. I’m making you a very special dinner. Very special. (he leaves)

Jerry: The pies. I’m going to the bathroom. You know. (he leaves)

Jerry and Poppie in the bathroom. Jerry washes his hands while Poppie flushes and gets out of the stall

Poppie: Ah, Jerry! Tonight you in for a real treat. I’m personally going to prepare the dinner for you and my Audrey.

He zips up and leaves without washing his hands. Jerry notices it. back at the table with Audrey, Jerry can see Poppie in the kitchen with his hands in the dough, making dinner

Audrey: Jerry are you OK?

Jerry: Huh?

Audrey: Is anything wrong?

Jerry: No, Nothing.

Audrey: You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

Jerry can’t talk and he’s staring at Poppie’s hands. Poppie smiles and winks at him

Later, while eating pizza and talking to P about the Seinfeld episode

M: You’re telling me if I caught the chef doing that, you wouldn’t want to know?

P: No, I wouldn’t. I just want to enjoy my pizza.

Years later, while talking about P’s recent break up.

M: I wish I had told you about her, but I just didn’t know if that was OK.

P: What do you mean?

M: Well, it’s like that pizza conversation. Even though I knew you two wouldn’t get along, I just thought you might not want to know about it.

The truth is harder to set free when you’ve been raised with a cultural predisposition to avoid it, especially if it’s embarrassing. It would be much easier if I could ask all my single friends if they would rather eat pizza or hear my honest thoughts.